SHERI SMITH: "Mama Drama: A Journey with Bipolar and Dementia, Finding Light Through Loss and Grief"

What happens when your caregiving journey is complicated by family betrayal, mental illness, and profound loss? Meet Sheri Smith, a resilient entrepreneur whose life took unexpected turns when faced with both her mother's dementia and her husband's bipolar disorder simultaneously.

Sheri's new memoir "Mama Drama: A Journey with Bipolar and Dementia, Finding Light Through Loss and Grief" chronicles her extraordinary path from running a successful catering business and owning an oceanfront castle in Hawaii to navigating the heartbreaking terrain of cognitive decline (her mother) and mental health challenges (her spouse). Her story reveals the devastating reality many caregivers face when family dynamics turn toxic—in Sheri's case, a cousin who prevented her from seeing her mother during her final days.

The conversation delves into painful parallels between caring for someone with dementia and someone with untreated bipolar disorder. As Sherry candidly shares, "I made every mistake in the book because I simply didn't know better." This raw honesty about her attempts to "fix" situations beyond her control resonates deeply with anyone who has blamed themselves for not handling caregiving perfectly.

Despite these enormous challenges, Sheri transformed her pain into purpose through writing. Her journey from confusion and self-blame to understanding and advocacy offers a roadmap for others navigating similar terrain. By sharing both mistakes and triumphs, she creates space for caregivers to forgive themselves and find strength even when outcomes aren't what they hoped for.

Have you experienced family conflicts while caring for a loved one with dementia? Share your story and connect with our supportive community dedicated to finding light even in the darkest caregiving moments.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introducing Love Conquers All
• 1:57 Social Media Challenges
• 6:06 Welcoming Sherry Smith
• 9:30 The Mama Drama Journey
• 13:48 Family Betrayal and Loss
• 19:43 Bipolar, Dementia, and Resilience
• 24:15 Finding Purpose Through Pain

Transcript

Don Priess: 0:00

When the world has got you down, Alzheimer's sucks. It's an equal opportunity disease that chips away at everything we hold dear and to date, there's no cure. So until there is, we continue to fight with the most powerful tool in our arsenal, love. This is love conquers all, a real and really positive podcast that takes a deep dive into everything, Alzheimer's, The Good, The Bad and everything in between. And now here are your hosts, Susie singer Carter and me, Don Priess,

Susie Singer Carter: 0:35

hi everybody. This is Susie singer Carter and I'm

Don Priess: 0:39

Don Priess, and this is love conquers all. Hello, Susan, hello, Donald. What's happening? Oh, my goodness, I'm

Susie Singer Carter: 0:46

Jamie. This is me, the Yorkie. He's a wee Baron named after Jamie from Outlander. I can't help it. It's the only crush I have.

Don Priess: 0:59

Now you have a new one.

Susie Singer Carter: 1:01

And now I'm, I, yes, I have his namesake, and I'm, I'm passionately in love with this little bundle of joy. Look at that face. If you're not seeing it, you should go to YouTube and see it, because it's worth it, guys, he's

Don Priess: 1:16

taken over the house. He rules the house. He's tortured the other dogs into loving him, because at first they were not having it, but

Susie Singer Carter: 1:24

he's fearless. They're like, barking at him, like, and then he just goes, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick and and just diffuses the whole situation. And actually a good lesson for

Unknown: 1:35

us all. It is we can learn from Jamie, yeah. Learn to diffuse,

Susie Singer Carter: 1:40

to redirect, to bring it into the world of Alzheimer's.

Don Priess: 1:44

Yeah, so somebody is mean to you, just lick them, and they will solve all their

Susie Singer Carter: 1:49

problems. That's true. I'm just saying I know. Anyway, want to talk about something about social media. I have a very like heavy weight about social media these days, because with our documentary, No Country for Old people, and I've been really engaging with the community, with the public, trying to promote this project, right? And I we've gotten so busy trying to deliver it to our distributor and create this movement, which is roar, the roar movement, which you all should check out at No Country for Old people.com, which is what we compared to the Women's March, but really for long term care reform, but doing that has just taken up so much of my time that I haven't been on social media, and I feel like weight of not being interactive with the audience, and that this is like such a it's such a heavy responsibility. I'm just wondering if, do you have that? Don Well,

Don Priess: 2:59

I mean, you're, you're in a position well, but you're in a position of, you know, basically driving this entire, you know, movement and, you know, and and the film, and so, yeah, there is a big and people want to reach out to you, and they want to talk, you know, but, you know, there are only so many hours in the day, and right now, only

Susie Singer Carter: 3:19

so many hours in the day. When you have a big community, you want to, like, engage with their, you know, posts. And it honestly can take a day. It can really take a day, every day and on you're really good at strolling or stroll. What is it?

Don Priess: 3:36

Scrolling? Scrolling, too. I like to scroll, walk around. Nothing to do with this,

Susie Singer Carter: 3:41

but, but I'm terrible at scrolling, because I will fall down the rabbit hole, but you're good at going, like, like, like, like, I can't do that. I get

Don Priess: 3:52

no, but it's but, but that, and that's, that's on a social, you know, that's socially. This is very different, because, you know, people want to engage, and you can't, you can, can't just throw a like on something. When somebody's written eight paragraphs to you, that's something very important. And you can't just say like, you know, the thing is, if you start to engage, and then again, you don't have, you know, the time. That's why, you know, people have social media teams that that handle all this. But this got to come from you, too. Yeah. I mean, so,

Susie Singer Carter: 4:23

yeah, it's tough. Well, all that to say that if you're listening, and if you've tried to reach out to me in the past, I want to say three, four weeks, I have been horrendous in responding, because I haven't even gone on like I've gone on so sporadically, because I literally, we are a small team on this documentary, because it's all non profit. And, you know, it's like, hi, we need to talk to the graphics department. Hello. This is the graphics department. Susie speaking. You know, we we need delivery on whatever. Hello, this is delivery. This is Susie. What can I do? Honestly, like we are three. People and really, right? Yeah. So I had to just choose one thing that I couldn't that I you know, that was going to take, take the brunt, and that's the social media. So if so just know that I will be back on social media soon. It's not like, I'm not there at all, but I just can't, it's so hard. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I get a lot of queries like, can we manage your social media? And I'm so afraid, because you just don't know who to trust. And they all sound good. They all sound good because they're very good at marketing. They're like, Oh, we listen to love conquers all, and we think your your podcast is amazing, but you should be getting these many downloads, and we can help you with that. So yeah, if you can help us with that, we would love it, because the more people that can listen to this podcast, the better, because we bring great guests. And this is a great transition. Don, that

Don Priess: 5:52

was really good, so I so what you're saying to me, and I glean this from that beautiful transitions. Do you want me to tell everyone about our guest

Susie Singer Carter: 6:00

today? Two is a self proclaimed biggest fan of love conquers all number one seen and listen to every every episode. So we, of course, love her today,

Don Priess: 6:17

we are thrilled to welcome an inspiring and resilient woman, Sherry Smith, a seasoned entrepreneur. Sherry has built a dynamic career, from child actress to event coordination, production, screenwriting and in the culinary world, as the founder of a successful catering business, she brought her passion for food and hospitality to life creating a unique oceanfront vacation rental a castle in Hawaii. Sherry is now stepping into the literary arena with her soon to be released book mama drama, a journey with bipolar and dementia, finding light through loss and grief. This deeply personal memoir explores her experiences caring for her loved ones, battling mental illness, including her husband's bipolar condition, her loving journey with her heart dog ray and the challenges of her mother's dementia. All along, confronting family betrayal and enduring profound loss through it all, Sherry finds resilience, hope and even humor in the darkest moments. We can't wait to dive into her incredible story, and so we say aloha to Sherry Smith, hello, Sherry. Aloha,

Sheri Smith: 7:27

Aloha, Aloha. I'm excited and grateful to be here and have some fun. Let's go. Aloha, ohana, you're my family.

Susie Singer Carter: 7:36

Ah, thank you. I think that this story is going to resonate with a lot of people. Because you, you, you know, all of us do not live in a bubble when it comes to someone, when we're dealing in caring for someone who has Alzheimer's or dementia. So at the same time, you know, I know, for me, I was going through a massive divorce a map, you know, I don't know if divorces are less than massive anyway, but I had, it was a horrific experience at the same exact time, and then, you know, then there's a death in the family, and then you're moving, and you have children, and you've got so many things that you're trying to juggle, and we all are trying to do. We're not just dealing with somebody with dementia, and that's what your book is about, is juggling all of these things that were equally as important to you and equally as as challenging. Tell us the background of this book, and and, and describe it as you would in your words and then, and let's dig in.

Sheri Smith: 8:35

I want to know, I digress. I want to know one thing, do you believe in law, in the law of attraction,

Susie Singer Carter: 8:41

I don't know. To be honest, I haven't given it. I'm going to

Sheri Smith: 8:44

tell you why you you should perhaps, do you know? Do you know, when I first got here, got back to the mainland, 10 years ago, after living in paradise for 15 glorious, unforgettable years, I wrote a script first, because I didn't know how to write a book, but my my background in in show business, I had final draft. I wrote a script, and guess who I pitched it to first?

Susie Singer Carter: 9:12

Me you did and

Sheri Smith: 9:14

you said, pass. Thank you. It's fine. It's fine. So the law of attraction worth full circle. I mean that that that, to me, is is remarkable myself anyway, when, when something happens in my life, I ask myself, What have I learned? You know, you gotta learn from your experiences. And then I ask, What am I meant to share?

Susie Singer Carter: 9:39

Right? So, well, well, let's back up, because you're so excited, and I would as you should be, because you have your first book that is having a soft launch. When, in two couple weeks, on my birthday,

Sheri Smith: 9:52

do you want? Should I say the date? Yeah, okay, March 19 of this year's soft launch, which you know. You're hoping people will buy it and leave feedback, right? Because when you have the official launch, Amazon and all those other apps or platforms don't give you the right time of day unless you have some kind of review, which pre sales.

Susie Singer Carter: 10:15

So you know, help the girl out and and, but we'll have all that information later. But let's talk about mama drama, a journey with bipolar and dementia, finding light through loss and grief. And I think what's unique about this book, and I get pitched books all the time, we do, and what's unique about this is tying in these three things that work, that you have experienced in terms of grief, in terms of loss and challenges in different sections of your life with your you know, your dog, who you was, your heart dog, your your ex husband, who you you know, that's a very complicated conversation. And then your mother, which is also a complicated conversation, you know, so in keeping it to to Alzheimer's, because that's what this stuff, this, this podcast, is about. I think the themes, this is what Don and I honed of your themes, right for the book is, are, is really prolonged grief in your and resilience and the complexities of caregiving, which which happened with all different, different scenarios, right? But, and then, in spite of all that, which was painful, and you also found friendship, humor and spirituality, clearly very spiritual, very, very funny, and you're very loyal friend. So the personal journey, part of this, of the dementia caregiving, your your mom's journey, let's talk about that. How, how did you notice the first signs of her decline, and what was that like for you?

Sheri Smith: 11:55

And has my mom and the girl resonated with me. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm going to fix you. I raced to Vegas. She lived in Vegas. I lived in SoCal. Were you close before this diagnosis? Not particularly, not particularly. I raced to Vegas and I started doing what I do. I was going to bring her back to to live with me. I wanted her to be with me and buy a house. I get to Vegas and I'm like, I need help. I don't know what to do, you know. So I said, Fine, I'm going to sell everything in this house and and buy a house in in near me, in California. I have to work. I have a catering business. I had to work, you know. And I would take her with me. And I found out about Bredesen. I'm going to put her on Doctor Bredesen protocol, you know, I will fix you, mommy. And it just wasn't to be. Wasn't it wasn't

Susie Singer Carter: 12:46

going to be to be. So So you, but you, but you leaned in, even though whatever you leaned into, it may not have been exactly the right lean direction, but you leaned right. Okay, so, and I want to talk about Doctor President for second, just so people, if you're not aware of him, who he is. Can you just tell us who he is?

Sheri Smith: 13:03

He's a neurologist and researcher known for his work with Alzheimer's prevention and treatment, and he developed the predis protocol, a multi faceted approach aimed at reversing cognitive decline, and he has been getting amazing results.

Susie Singer Carter: 13:19

Right? Let's move off of Doctor President, because this is about your book, right? And about your story and and which people can relate to because this is, you know, we're talking about caregivers that are listening and people that are

Sheri Smith: 13:34

my caregiving was prevented. My relative stole the end of my mom's life, he stole her from me. Who is he?

Susie Singer Carter: 13:45

Okay, some of yours decided to step in. And at what stage like, when did this happen? Or is that was this? He figured out he could take all her stuff. Gotcha. Okay, so

Sheri Smith: 13:57

alert people to I wasn't surprised, but, but it hurt. It was killing me.

Susie Singer Carter: 14:02

Okay, so you're living in LA, right? And your mom's living in Vegas, and now you know she's going through this, started this journey with dementia, and this cousin is now keeping you from seeing your mom. He's He's hiding her location of where she's living, right? I

Sheri Smith: 14:20

was prepared to call every folks home in in the Bronx. I heard it was the Bronx. Jeez.

Susie Singer Carter: 14:26

No. I mean, I'm sure this is, this is, you know, it's not something that we haven't heard. It may not have been, it may not have rolled out exactly like your story, but it happens. It happened in my own situation with my own siblings. So, you know, I, I know that these kinds of situations bring can either bring out the best in people or the worst, right? And so you will certainly see the worst from people oftentimes. And so you experienced that, but you were able to navigate. It wasn't

Sheri Smith: 14:57

easy to do that I should have done, and I. Tried. When I went to Vegas the first time, I got an attorney and I was going to get a conservatorship, all that stuff with Brittany and stuff. I didn't know what it was. I had to educate myself, but I was going to, I should have, I should have just gotten the conservatorship. So it turns out he got it.

Susie Singer Carter: 15:16

Yeah, I mean, here's the problem with conservatorship, because I was the conservator of person to my mother. And, you know, if, if you don't have, if you're not at, you know, Power of Attorney for the purse, which my brother was able to finagle that away from, it was in both our names, and then somehow he that's a whole another story. But anyway, it's very difficult, even going to court to try to stop somebody from, you know, interfering, even if you are the conservator, because the the laws are just not in favor of the trust or right. So this, this is, this is a big issue that I have take issue with as well. I ended up going to court three times, and, you know, never having standing. And so it finally had to cut my losses and just go whatever I just going to have to be there and do with everything that I can, you know, against what was coming at me so, and I know that's what you had to do as

Don Priess: 16:24

well, so you couldn't be there because he was even keeping her physically from you. Yes,

Susie Singer Carter: 16:28

so how did you end up getting back into your mom's life once you

Sheri Smith: 16:34

Yeah, okay, so, so I didn't, it's a horrible ending. Apparently, she was in the Bronx or whatever, but at a person's house, she was being care, give, given care. And that's the the picture on on the on the cover of my book, my mother, she was gorgeous, and then what she ended up looking like

Susie Singer Carter: 16:55

that you never got back into your mom's life. No, no.

Unknown: 16:59

Miss, he kept me from the end of her life, which is, it's, it's horrible. And so

Susie Singer Carter: 17:07

how are you dealing with this? How are you dealing Are you having, are you struggling with, with guilt, regret, helplessness, what? What are your what emotions? Are you a

Sheri Smith: 17:19

bit of all of them, but what came out, what I got out of me was the book, right? Help other people.

Don Priess: 17:29

So looking back at at what happened with your mom, in retrospect, you've written a book now you look back and you say, is there anything that you feel you could have done differently. You would have done differently that you could tell somebody if they're in this

Sheri Smith: 17:44

and the power of attorney, which she didn't want to do, she wanted to, she wanted him. Mom, I'm your daughter. He's your nephew, my cousin.

Susie Singer Carter: 17:56

I think it's a common theme of people, you know, boomers, and maybe you know Gen X's, who have parents of that age, who particularly mothers who grow up, you know, in who grew up sort of deferring to the men, deferring to men. And, you know, and, and because when my brother had my mom sign over, you know, her, her will. She had a living she had a will that made both of us equal, equal power. Um, he had her. He had a Living Trust created where commingled my my stepdad, money and hers, which she didn't want to do. I know that because we discussed that and but because he got her, you know, she had Alzheimer's, he he had her sign over, and when she would ask me, well, where's my money? I'd say, Mark has that. She'd go, What, When did I What are you talking about? I go, Mom, you signed it over. But, you know, she didn't. She was not in her right mind, and so, but there's this sort of, like, base, you know, it's, it was, it's imprinted from your upbringing of to defer to the men. Well, they know best. They know best. So your mother, you know, deferring to your cousin, because he's the man, and he came in and he, you know, it was like she felt safer. And I think that we as the daughters, feel, you know, short shrift, because we really are there. We are there. Oh, you know, I was there every single day. My brother was not at all. So I think that that's something that you know, particularly these, you know, our two our two generations, the Gen X and the and the Boomers, Gen xx and the boomers, you know, have have to deal with, and we have to understand that we can't fault our moms, because this comes from a mother, from the because that's really what they grew up with. You know, it's like you must have a man in your life for the most part. I'm not saying there wasn't rebels and, you know, women that, but, you know, and my mom was fierce, but she still had that, you know, bit of culture that was built into her. So, you know, I mean, if Don would say something to my mom, it was like, oh, yeah, that's law. Or my brother, that's law. But it was, you know, took me, and she respected the hell out of me, but I had to, know, understand that, and and and forgive her for that. So I think that you have to, I think that you have, you know, I

Sheri Smith: 20:31

have Susie, because in that box of crap that I carried from place to place, I had all the left, go here, go there. I'm I left this amount of cash under the and then they tried to accuse me of stealing it. That was a laugh. But I have all the, all the when we wrote letters, books or photocopies of,

Susie Singer Carter: 20:54

yeah, that's a Yeah. Isn't that a typical situation, though, where, you know, and I, I've talked about this too, is like, be careful, or listen carefully rather, to what people accuse you of, because it's usually what they're doing. So, you know, that's what was happening with my in my situation as well. So you know, it's like the husband who's like so and you're cheating on me. You're cheating on me when they're they're the ones you're like, What? What?

Don Priess: 21:20

You know, that's where their mind is, because that's their realities. Yeah, that's,

Susie Singer Carter: 21:24

that's what, where their head is at. So, yeah, it's kind of simple, but, but it the truth. So, so you're, let's, let's just, I want to tie in your husband. We don't need to your ex husband, bipolar, which, you know, all of those are that are all challenging. They're all that's a that's a hugely challenging thing. I didn't again, I have somewhat of a similar situation with my ex, because he had a brain injury. He had thought he was thrown off the bus in London of a double decker, and was and was in hospital for about a month with frontal, front noble damage. He actually lost his sense of smell. And, you know, I didn't know that when I met him. I didn't know that he had just recovered from that with, you know, had, it hadn't been that long, and we met as actors on a series, and that really changes your chemistry and your brain, and not to mention he was a toxic narcissist on top of it, so the that would mixed in with with a brain injury really was lovely. I had already separated.

Sheri Smith: 22:35

I threw him out of our house in California. He threw a chair through the plate glass window. I said, You know what, you gotta go. So he left, and he stole our motorhome and went to Hawaii, to the Big Island, and then a year later, he was tired of being poor. Come to Hawaii. We'll heal schmuck. I did cuz I didn't plan to be divorced. I plan to be married forever, you know, so luckily, when I was going through this 1112, and 13, I wrote a journal because it was so staggering what was going on. And as I was reading it, to incorporate it into the book, I'm like, holy crap, Woman, what is your problem, and why didn't you run? But you know,

Don Priess: 23:23

but you didn't know he was bipolar, correct? He wasn't diagnosed with bipolar. You're dealing with something. It's just like somebody who's dealing with a narcissist, and you don't know what it looks like, right? Can't you? So you're you don't know how to deal with it.

Sheri Smith: 23:35

No, we didn't know what bipolar. Nobody talked about mental health in the 90s, right?

Susie Singer Carter: 23:41

Right, which is why there's a big, you know, thank God talk about it, yeah,

Sheri Smith: 23:47

thank God when we are now. Praise the Lord. People like you and other people who are talking all the all the celebrities are getting on TV and saying, blah, blah, blah, whatever,

Susie Singer Carter: 23:57

right, right, right, no. And then, you know, so, so the parallel between your ex and your mom are two, you know, states of health that you were not aware of, don't don't really have any experience with it, don't really understand it. May not have been a may not have known that it was even going on for a very long time, while it was already starting, or already been there, in the case of your ex. So which is, you know, so draining on yourself, so depleting of everything, because you're trying so hard to look at it through your lens of how you see life. I you know, and that you keep thinking, Well, why am I not communicating right? Am I not what am I doing wrong? Now?

Unknown: 24:42

You start blaming yourself? Yeah, right, yes, of course.

Susie Singer Carter: 24:45

I didn't know a thing about narcissism. I didn't know until my ex left and I and I started listening to something about narcissism. I thought he that sounds exactly like him, and I literally bought every book on the shelf. I read. I for a year straight, I barely slept. I mean, I was like, reading and highlighting, highlighting, highlighting, highlighting, that's him, that's him, that's him, that's him, that's him. And I was like, How did I not know this? I mean, it was textbook, you know? And I really did a number on myself because I didn't know anything about it, and then once I knew, I was like, oh my god, I made every mistake in the book, like I did with my mom. I made every mistake in the book because you don't know, so I literally triggered the hell out of him, and which, you know, that's not my fault, and that's and I shouldn't have to worry about triggering him, but I certainly did, because I thought I was talking to someone who had the same frame of mind that I did, but they bit. But you know, which is, happens a lot, and

Don Priess: 25:52

you could reason you thought you all, I can reason with get it. And then they'll show moments, little, little glimmers of things. Oh, they get it. They get it draws you back in, yeah, and then it starts all over again. And then, but again. If you don know what behavior you're dealing with, there's no way you can.

Sheri Smith: 26:09

I wrote in my book too, what? Why do I always want to label something? Well, if you don't label it, you can't fix it or find the you know, whatever, find the faithful. If you don't know what it is, you can't just, yeah, yeah.

Susie Singer Carter: 26:24

So, I mean, I think, I think that's that's an interesting correlation that you did, you know, because you those are things both, two things that are that are so difficult for someone who's not experiencing either, and it's really draining. Like, I know my cortisol levels were off the charts, you know, I mean, I honestly, like, I again, like trying to fix my mom. I thought I could fix my ex, too. I really did. And, you know, delusions of grandeur on a major scale, and, you know, and cutting my losses. And finally, you know, if he hadn't left, I probably would have tried to the day I died, because I believed that I could. I believed so much that I could, and yeah, so that that is incredibly debilitating. So good on you for still being here on this earth, still being joyful and and taking the time and the effort and the energy and everything it takes to get this onto a book, into a book and out there to share with others, because it's not easy to

Unknown: 27:35

know to take

Susie Singer Carter: 27:37

your pain and make It your purpose. Thank

Sheri Smith: 27:40

you. Yeah. Robin Robert says something like that, make your message message, right?

Susie Singer Carter: 27:46

Yeah. However you say it, that's what you've done. Well, we're gonna put all of your your stuff in the show notes. And I'm glad that we got to do this with our with our biggest fan ever. And we, we can't, you know we got, how can we not love you, right? Because it, and I mean, honestly, like you said, Do I believe in in the law of attraction? I don't know, but I do believe in love, and I do believe that's why, you know, Donald,

Don Priess: 28:14

yes. And you know, why do you know why you believe in love? I do, tell me I do, and that's because love is powerful. Love is contagious. Love conquers all we do. Thank everyone for being here today, watching, listening. We will have all the information about Sherry and her magical world in the show notes. And if you if you like what you heard, please, Like, Subscribe, share, and we will definitely see you next time on, love conquers all. Bye,

Susie Singer Carter: 28:40

everybody, thank you. Thank you. Sherry, bye.