LANCE A. SLATTON: Senior Care Influence & Author of The All Home Care Matters Official Family Caregivers' Guide

Heeeeeeee’s back! And Don and I couldn’t be happier!  Our dear friend and “Senior Care Influencer”, Lance A. Slatton is not only a Writer, Author, and Healthcare professional with over 20 years in the healthcare industry…he is a number one class act and all around nice guy! Oh, and he is also the busiest person I have ever met! I thought I was juggling. Nope. Apparently not. ;)

In case you’re not familiar with Lance, here’s just little background on this Care Commander: Lance is a native of Michigan, and the Senior Case Manager at Enriched Life Home Care Services, a leading care provider.  His ingenuity and fortitude led to the creation of  All Home Care Matters, an informative podcast and YouTube show devoted to helping families, caregivers, and their loved ones navigate long-term care issues. All Home Care Matters was recently the recipient of the Silver Creator Award from Google & YouTube.

Lance also produces and Co-Host’s two additional shows (I know! What are we doing wrong!?): Conscious Caregiving with L & L, co-hosted by Lori La Bey and The Caregiver’s Journal with Denise M. Brown.

If that were not enough, he also writes a monthly column for McKnight’s Home Care News, DailyCaring.com, and AgeBuzz.

Recognizing Lance’s contributions to the industry, he was named a “50 Under 50” honoree by the New York City Journal for 2023  and has been chosen as a Juror for the Academy of Interactive Visual Arts for 2023 and 2024.

And because he apparently has so much spare time on his hands Lance has now authored a new book, “The All Home Care Matters Official Family Caregivers' Guide”, a beacon of wisdom, meant to guide you through the complexities and emotional tides of becoming a caregiver.  So, grab a cuppa tea or coffee and find out more about this new endeavor and everything else in the wild world of the inimitable Lance A. Slatton. 

And remember -  Love is Powerful. Love is Contagious. And Love Conquers Alz.
xoxo Susie

Transcript

Unknown: 0:00

When the world has gotcha down, and Alzheimer's sucks.

Don Priess: 0:05

It's an equal opportunity disease that chips away at everything we hold dear. And to date, there's no cure. So until there is we continue to fight with the most powerful tool in our arsenal. Love. This is love conquers all is a real and really positive podcast that takes a deep dive into everything. Alzheimer's, The Good, the Bad, and everything in between. And now, here are your hosts Susie singer, Carter, and me, Don Priess.

Lance A. Slatton: 0:39

Hello, everybody. I'm Susie singer Carter.

Don Priess: 0:42

And I'm Don Priess. And this is love conquers all calls. Hello, Susan.

Lance A. Slatton: 0:46

Donald.

Don Priess: 0:47

Good. Yes. Good morning. How are you? Well, it's after morning. It's afternoon.

Lance A. Slatton: 0:54

I'm going to tell you how I am. Good

Don Priess: 0:55

afternoon. Yes. How are you? You're happy.

Lance A. Slatton: 0:59

That's right. I'm happy. Wow. Well,

Don Priess: 1:01

then I'm happy. If you're happy, I'm happy.

Lance A. Slatton: 1:03

I'm happy. Why am I happy?

Don Priess: 1:05

Where are you happy?

Lance A. Slatton: 1:07

For? For a lot of reasons. But for one a big reason is we actually finished our cut of No Country for Old people. So we have it in the hands of trusted, trusted eyes to give us feedback. So I am happy and anxious at the same time. Because I all I want to hear is good things, of course, but we need to we need to be brave and hear hear what's working. What's not working. So yeah, this is this is a good par with this is like two years of hard work. So I feel really good about it.

Don Priess: 1:39

Yes. And so far, you know, honestly, you know, we've heard some feedback. And it's, I would say overwhelmingly positive. So that's a really good thing.

Lance A. Slatton: 1:49

Yeah, yeah.

Don Priess: 1:51

But where could we met we start with the composer yesterday and then spotted the film to have him put the cues and start working on the cues. It's all very exciting. It's all coming together. Yeah. We're still we are still trying to raise finishing funds to get that go. Anyone who just has extra money lying around? Who has does not have no need for it.

Lance A. Slatton: 2:13

Maybe gambling in the Dodgers. John. Exactly. Shohei Otani

Don Priess: 2:19

you know, he could just take that that 4 million and just show just as it would be completely 100%

Lance A. Slatton: 2:25

Joe, Joe, listen to us. Yeah,

Don Priess: 2:27

this is Oh, no, what's

Lance A. Slatton: 2:33

that showing? It's

Don Priess: 2:34

a Joe. Yeah.

Lance A. Slatton: 2:35

I call him Joe. we're that close? Yeah, yeah, he told me to call him Joe. So listen, this would totally turn around any kind of bad vibe or Juju that's going out there you give a vote a little donation which is tax deductible to making nursing homes a better place to live. And, and wow, what a great right, win, win win win. And I know you know being an athlete, you like that. So let's get after show it.

Don Priess: 3:05

What is it shows you show? Hey, show. Hey, just call him Joe.

Lance A. Slatton: 3:09

I'll call him Joe. We're so close. We're like Yes.

Don Priess: 3:16

I have a question. What have you ever seen a baseball?

Lance A. Slatton: 3:20

I haven't seen a baseball I have you know that I was on the I was on this the girls team and in high school. I don't throw well but I am. I would

Don Priess: 3:29

run with girls team was this which girls team was this?

Lance A. Slatton: 3:33

In high school?

Don Priess: 3:34

I pretty sure you said you played powderpuff football which is a very different thing.

Lance A. Slatton: 3:38

I did. I did softball to done I'm very athletic. This

Don Priess: 3:43

is no you are.

Lance A. Slatton: 3:46

I just don't throw good for some I say it's because I'm left handed. Yeah, I throw it my right hand. And somehow that's it goes. I do this I very good way. And then somehow it ends up down. The ball goes straight down. I don't know why. And I am coordinated. I'm a dancer. I am i very i am very athletic. Yeah, I cannot throw a ball. I don't understand it. I don't think it's in female genes. I think I need more. Please.

Don Priess: 4:18

Now come on.

Lance A. Slatton: 4:23

I know you have to release but that's a whole another conversation. That's a really important thing, right? Sometimes they do and it shocks me. Yeah,

Don Priess: 4:31

I think it shocks everyone. It shocks everybody.

Lance A. Slatton: 4:34

Let's move on from this. Let us let us move on. Don't we have a good guest today we have an amazing we have a part two. We like part twos. That makes us feel that that means they they actually like us and they're coming back for more than more of us. And that makes me happy and especially this person because we love this person. And and and this person brings So much to our art community and just just in general, just a really great guy. So great. Do you want to introduce them?

Don Priess: 5:09

I will do that and I'll do that right now. Known as the senior care influencer, Lance a. Slaton is a writer, author and healthcare professional with over 20 years in the healthcare industry, and native of Michigan. He is a senior case manager at enrich life homecare services a leading care provider. His ingenuity and fortitude led to the creation of all home care matters and informative podcast and YouTube show devoted to helping families caregivers and their loved ones navigate long term care issues. All Home Care matters was recently the recipient of the silver creator award from Google and YouTube. Lance also produces and CO hosts two additional shows conscious caregiving, with lnl co hosted by Loyola Bay and the caregivers journal with Denise M Brown. And if that were not enough, he also writes a monthly column for McKnight homecare News Daily caregiving.com and age buds. Recognizing Lance's contributions to the industry. He was named a 50 under 50 honoree by the New York City Journal for 2023 and has been chosen as a juror for the Academy of Interactive visual arts for 2023 and 2024. And because he apparently has so much spare time on his hands, Lance has now authored a new book. The all homecare matters official family caregivers guide, a beacon of wisdom meant to guide you through the complexities and emotional tides of becoming a caregiver. We cannot wait to find out more about this new endeavor and everything else in the wild world of the inimitable Lance a Slaton? So let's say hello to Lance a. Slaton. Hello, Lance.

Lance A. Slatton: 6:45

Hello, Lance. Good afternoon, Susie. And Don, how are you guys? We are great. We're great. Because you're here. We're happy to have you here. Here's lustrous and fancy and you do so much for our community? Like I've just, I'm just in awe of what you do all the time, I think, are we doing enough? Because Lance is doing this now. And he's doing that now. I didn't even know about this other thing. Your visual arts? You're a juror for the Academy of Interactive visual artists. Yeah, yeah. We, we won the award last year, or? Yeah, last year, and we, when we submitted it, and then later in 2023, they had reached out and wanted to know if I'd be interested in being a part of the jurors, jurors board for for the other entries. And I said sure. And it was actually a lot of fun, you know, you get to see a lot of different, you know, creative and visual arts from, you know, different industries and genres. And it was really enjoyable. And they invited me back again this year. Wow, that's amazing. What what is the the art is for like, it's just explain what it is a little bit more like in depth. So the Academy of Interactive visual arts, they, they, they have like the Webby Awards. I'm sure you guys are familiar with those, they have the W three, the communicator awards, and some others. And all the awards are like gender specific to like different types of, you know, media. And so like, we're, we're part of the web GIS, the W three and the communicator awards, because we do film or not film, but you know, we do video and audio. So we qualify for audio awards, but then we also qualify for Video Awards. And yeah, I mean, the AARP is involved with this a lot of your major universities, major healthcare systems, insurance companies, it's kind of like a who's who of corporate America. Really? Wow, that's amazing. I have so much to learn. There's a lot to know. Like, honestly, like, I don't know, it's, it's really, it's really, it's an art to do what you're doing because I get stuck in my, in my bubble, right or in my lane. And I think I really sometimes you can't see everything around that's also so important in our in our community. And there's so much that we can be a part of, like, you know, I'm actually looking forward to the end of this documentary so that I can start you know, I because I love that that sounds amazing. That sounds like something I would definitely be interested in. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That would be great. That would be great. i Alright, so you know, you like I said, you're, you've been first of all, let me just compliment you because one of the things that you do so well is is you engage and connect you're such a good engager and connector with so many people and I see it and you don't stop you continue to do that, which makes the community smaller and stronger. And and I love that because you do it with with with the right motivation without you know, it's I think, I'm God. That's the way I view it. I think my barometer for authenticity is, is highly calibrated. And I think that that's what you do. And I find, and I think it's inspirational, that you do that, because you always, you know, from the time I met, you was like, it was almost like, is he for real, because, you know, you were so kind and so generous with, with, with your offer to help it on everything. And, and I don't know, I'm sure people will tell you how, how appreciative they are, but we're so appreciative of, of your help. And that, you know, it's such a, it's a, it's a contagious kind of characteristic to have, you know, and so when you because often people are afraid to be that generous, especially when you're trying to, you know, climb a ladder, whatever that ladder is. And so it's like, well, if they're, you know, if I help them, or what about me, and I, and I, and, you know, it kind of harkens back to my first mentor by writing, who is a big showrunner in Hollywood, and it's my first big job as an executive. And he said, you know, always give help, and never expect anything in return. Always. And that's what you do. Yeah, well, thank you, Susie, you know, I don't do it, you know, looking for Pat's on the back or you know, any recognition, but I have two things I kind of live by one, you know, because our family were really strong in our faith and real active in our church. And there's a verse in the Bible that I think, regardless of what your background is, what your beliefs are, I think if more people live by it, we would just have a better society as a whole. And that's to whom much is given much as expected, or much as required, depending on the translation. And so, I feel like, you know, we've been really fortunate and blessed with our business in our company. And now, you know, secondary with all home care matters. And, you know, if we can help other people, I mean, why not, right. And the other thing that I really live by and try to, you know, practice is, you know, when you have a friend, and you do something for a friend, you do it with not expecting something in return, because it's your friend. And I just hope, you know, on days when, or the future, whatever the case may be, where I may need something, or my family or whatever it may be, and somebody would help us if we needed it, or they could help us, you know, in any way that they would do it without expecting just what's in it for them. You know, and I think especially in the industry, we are working in, in senior care and health care. I mean, we should all be we're all fighting for the same purpose and goals, I would hope, and you know, our own self benefit, and self interest shouldn't be what we're serving, it should be those who are trying to help us who we should be trying to serve like you guys with the film, and with all the conquers all, you know, you're trying to raise awareness from your personal experience. And, you know, same same with us. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And, you know, I just think we need to be reminded of it, or at least acknowledge that, and it also feels good to it feels good to help people, right. I mean, it's, at the end of the day, like, for me, learning going to facilities and visiting my mom, you know, where you would think, Oh, what a drag, I gotta go and be with, you know, people who are have disabilities or this and that, let me You know, I always say, now, it's like, if you want to feel good about yourself, go to visit somebody at, you know, a senior center, you first of all, they're gonna tell you, how old are you? 20 They're gonna, and they're gonna stick. And if you sing, they're gonna think you're Barbra Streisand, and you're gonna, and you will walk out feeling like a million bucks. And you made their day. Yeah, yeah. And I tell people all the time, you know, that may not be the thing for you right now. But in the future, you might be that person that's wishing somebody would come in and just bring a little, you know, joy and happiness into your life, because you're the one in the facility now. And we need more people like that, who are just giving and trying to lift others up and, you know, improve their improve their day. Exactly. And you will improve your day, I'm telling you, it's like, it is the best feeling in the world. Like, you can't,

Don Priess: 14:11

yeah, if we can change the question to what's in it for all of us, then, you know, as opposed to what's in it for me, what's in it for all of us, then everyone benefits, everyone helps each other. And like you said, in the long run, you feel better also, if that's selfish, so be it. So you feel better wonderful.

Lance A. Slatton: 14:31

But that's a good selfish that's a good selfish, right. So that's a good celebration. So and I have no good segue for this. I was going to go and speaking of so no, doesn't even work. You know, it's terrible. But I want to talk about your book. But because you know, I think that everyone who is seen or listened to our podcasts are going to know a little bit about Lance or a lot about Lance, but I think this book is in I mean, it's, it's, it was an obvious next step to me that you take everything that you've aggregated in terms of, you know, homecare and, and, and the, in our and our industry at large and community at large. And you're so you have such a reach to our 53 million caregivers, that you would be a great voice and representative of these kinds of this kind of books. So tell us about this book and how it got started. Yeah, well, that was a great segue, Susie, I, you know, my story, I'm gonna start there to kind of put it into perspective and context. You know, I was, and I've said this several times on shows, and on my own show, you know, my wife and I, we were newlyweds, you know, I was in my earlier 20s 2324. My wife is a couple years older than I, we share, we share the same birthday, which is fun. And yeah, and we also have the same wedding anniversary, too, which is even crazier. doesn't happen very often. We, we get a phone call one evening, and you know, I'm pursuing medical school, she's done with college, she started her career. And it's a home health care nurse. And we had no idea why they'd be calling us and my father had, you know, sustained a serious fall and as a result needed surgery. And that developed a very significant wound. And she says, You know, I'm just concerned because he's not able to properly take care of this. There's nothing wrong with my father, mentally, nothing physically, it was just where the wound was, it was very difficult to clean, very difficult to put new bandages on, etc. She said, I think for a little while, he either needs to live with family being us, or we're gonna have to look at putting them in a nursing home for a month or so just to get this healed up some. We said, well, of course, he can come move in with us not a problem. Well, the wound developed into a very severe infection. It's called osteomyelitis, which is infection of the bone. And ultimately, he had seven major surgeries while living with us seven where they actually had to carve and cut off portions of his tailbone. I mean, just imagine that. And so it got to the point where two and a half years, this is 24 hour care seven days a week, we had to do everything for him. And mostly, and this isn't that my wife wasn't. But again, I said, she started her career. I'm dealing with college, so I'm home more and you know, can pop in and different things. It got to the point where they surgeon has said, you know, he's going to require nursing home now, because the infection and the IV antibiotics, he's going to require etc. And but for that two and a half years, you know, we were going at our wits end, it wasn't that we didn't care we didn't love but one, we didn't have the knowledge or the understanding of being a quote, unquote, caregiver. And we had one of the best health care systems in the country coming into our house three, four or five times a week, never talking to us as a family caregiver saying, Hey, have you thought about this? Have you thought about that, here's some resources, here's respite and all these different things. And next thing we know, he's going into a nursing home. It was a result of that experience, though, and that two and a half years of day in and day out care for him, and trying to do the best we can to support him and you know, meet his needs, and also make sure his wound is healing. And you know, what have you that I said, you know, we're going to start a company, where we send people into the home to help take care of people or give them a break, kind of like, what we're going through thinking, I'm inventing the wheel, which I wasn't, but this is almost 20 years ago. And we started our company as a result of that, and everything that's really been done Suzy suit, and Don, it's been through the lens of I wish that I had someone like me when I was back then. But not once doctors, social workers, nurses, you name it. Nobody ever talked to us as a family caregiver to offer us any support. And so, you know, writing for these different news sites, and you know, doing our show and having our company, I've always thought, you know, man, I wish I had something to put my hands on back then. Or somebody might go of it to say, Hey, check this out. And there's other great books out there. I'm not saying this is you know, the end all be all the books, but I wrote it from the perspective of me 20 years ago, and what I needed to know and what I wished I knew, so that it will help other family caregivers. It's a guide from the very beginning to the point where you start, you know, identifying that mom or dad may need help, all the way through to the end of the journey, understanding what hospice is, what it isn't, and everything in the middle. So really, no matter where anybody's at during their caregiving journey, this book could help them and give them some information that will help make it a little bit easier for them and their loved ones. That's great. So I wish I had that. I wish I had. I say that all the time. I will There was, you know, my mom's Alzheimer's. So my mom's been gone a year and a half now, so, but she had Alzheimer's for 16 years. So almost as long as what happened with your dad, you know, almost 20 years, and I was caregiving for my mom, you know, whether it was in my home, or it was in her home or at a facility, I still was there, and I didn't know what I was doing. And, you know, I really didn't, I was flying by the seat of my pants. And and in I was trying to get, and the resources at the time were so difficult, you know, like, just so difficult to get any real answers, and there was no consistent answers. And you know, it. Yeah, this is such a great resource.

Don Priess: 20:44

And often you don't know, you don't know what you need to know, until you're in it or are already done with it. You don't know. It's like, you don't know what questions to ask. You don't know what's coming. So something like this, where it all laid out before you could even even start? It's invaluable.

Lance A. Slatton: 21:05

Right? Well, and you know, one of the things too, that I wanted to make sure to include in the book is also like, references and you know, points of interest, meaning, you know, it's one thing to know how to properly help mom take a bed bath or take a shower or what a shower chair is things like that. But do you know what a living will is? Do you know what Advanced Directives are and power of attorney and all these different documents that you need to start gathering and putting in one location so that if and when you need them, you're not adding that extra stress and pressure on yourself to try to find and locate them to Heck Yeah, boy, don't I know that? Boy? Don't I know that? Yeah. And in every state, it's different. All the all of the rules are different. And so you know, yeah, I mean, it is it's a thing. It's so it's overwhelming. It's overwhelming. There's so much to know. And so yeah, to be to be prepared, instead of really, you know, reactionary is is really helpful. I mean, that's, that's the lesson for me, that's what I would pay forward is like, be prepared as best as you can, even if you don't want to hear about it, and it's not pleasant and living wills and all that stuff. Because, you know, when you love somebody, it's hard to talk about that kind of stuff, but you have to write you

Don Priess: 22:22

have to Yeah, it's even like they say with funerals do not plan the funeral when you when and when they went right at the time of the you need to plan it ahead of time, when you're not emotional. When you're not making decisions based on emotion. And no knowledge you you know you because you then you make bad mistakes and errors and those bad mistakes and errors. In this case, when you're caring for somebody can lead to great harm.

Lance A. Slatton: 22:47

And things and you can't take it back. You can't change it. Right. Right. So yeah, so go on, you're gonna say something, Lance. I was just gonna, you know, to follow up on I was just gonna say you don't go grocery shopping when you're hungry. You know,

Don Priess: 23:00

I gross I do. Okay.

Lance A. Slatton: 23:05

Let's Let's call a spade a spade, you're always hungry.

Don Priess: 23:09

So that's why I can't avoid it.

Lance A. Slatton: 23:13

That's a whole nother story. But no, I love that. It's, I'm racking my brain trying to think of it this is how long ago I was pregnant. But there was that book that all of us read, right? It was like it this is not this title. But every every pregnant woman out there is going to know that what I'm talking about, but it's like, everything you need to know about this fixturing I can't think of the book. It's It's like in, everyone knows it. But I that was my Bible. Like, you know, it was by my bed, I read every chapter, every word everything about it, because it's it to have all that information from someone who's lived it, it was actually written by two women, two people that lived it. So it became it was so it was so powerful. And and, you know, obviously, by the success of that, but but that's sounds like the same kind of format that you have. Exactly. Yeah. You know, I was talking to our friend, you know, Lori la Bey. And, you know, when we were talking about the book and things it it was just, you know, conversation on the phone, it wasn't something we published or broadcast, but I said, you know, I want it to be somebody's map. Yeah, you know, if I was coming to see you, and down in LA, I'm gonna use my map when I pull out of my driveway, so I know what roads to take. But even when I get halfway to your house, I still need that map. Because now I'm halfway there. So it's still showing me the right way. So that's why I say it's really for any and every stage of a caregiving journey for a loved one, the beginning, the middle and the end, because just because you know, the beginning is behind you now. There's still going to be things now different stages that you're going to be facing and encountering that you may want to have more information on. I'm going to take it a step further and say that you're you're you're more than a map your ways, because you right because you're not Just telling how to get there, you're saying the best way to get there? Don't take this route.

Don Priess: 25:04

Take this route. Yeah, exactly. Like over here. Yeah.

Lance A. Slatton: 25:08

So I would Yeah, I would say I would use that as a metaphor, because I know knowing you, that's what that's what you have provided. Yeah. And that the last thing we need is to, you know, we need all of the shortcuts that we can get. Absolutely, yes. 100%. You know, I was, actually was interviewing a former governor this week, who had taken care of his wife to the very end. And, you know, he, he just said, you know, it was taking so much out of me because he was, you know, more senior in age now. And he just said, you know, my kids were so concerned, because they said, Dad, mom's condition isn't changing, but yours is, and you need to start, you know, he says, and now he's devoted his whole life to advocacy, for raising awareness to dementia, and to, you know, family caregivers. And, you know, he said, more family caregivers pass away or suffer or sustained serious health issues than the loved one they're actually caring for because they neglect themselves because they think, you know, they're going to be, you know, greedy, or they're self serving says, No, it's the complete opposite. You're being strong. And you're giving a gift to your loved one, because you are taking proper care of yourself. Oh, yeah. 100%. I mean, oh, go ahead, please. Yeah, I was just gonna say like, you know, it's actually in my film, my mom and the girl when my mom, like, was having an extra, you know, a kind of agitated experience. And, you know, she stopped in the middle of it and got some clarity and went home. Oh, my God, you gotta put me in a home. You have to live your life. My mom, you know, and it's like, you know, she, my mom always cared about, like, how I was doing, you know, and so when she would have her moments of lucidity, she was always concerned, like, you need to take care of yourself to, like, you can't like you have a life. I've had an amazing life. I'm not saying all moms are like that, but I'm just saying that, you know, it was a it was a it was an awakening, because I was like, running on. I was running on fumes. When she you know, during that time, and it was so difficult. I remember like, I wasn't sleeping. My you know, I was like, and I thought, well, this is what you do. I'm young, I can handle it. My body can handle it. You know, I gained like, 25 pounds, which was like a lot for me at the time. I because I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't eating right. And, you know, it adds up. It just adds up. Yeah. Snowball.

Don Priess: 27:35

Yeah. Do you have tips, specific tips for taking care of yourself as a caregiver, and overcoming those feelings of guilt? Because people like as you said, that people do they feel like they're being selfish if they take care of themselves, which is so counterintuitive to

Lance A. Slatton: 27:50

to the caregiver. Absolutely. And I think to answer your question, yes, there's, there's self care and, you know, self preservation, if you will, on the book for the caregiver themselves. But you know, Don, and I'm sure you and Susie know this analogy, as a family caregiver, myself included, when I was going through my caregiving journey with my father, we're a frog, you know, in the boiling pot of water, you know, you put us in there, and it's not boiling, but you slowly increase that heat, you don't start you don't realize as it's building up, but if you put us in there, when it is boiling, we're just jumping out but as it's a slowly, it's like that snowball just keeps building and building. And, you know, next thing, you know, you're, you're not sleeping, you're sleep deprived, you know, you have insomnia, you're, you know, eating junk food, because it's quick and easy. And it's, you know, all these things is convenience. And because we got to get back to take care of mom, and we got to take care of dad, or whoever the loved one may be, and it's just, you know, like with our professional lives with our company, I mean, we see spouses all the time with, you know, with Lou Gehrig's disease, or ALS, or all these different, you know, tragedies, cancers, and you know, the spouse almost looks worse than the person they're carrying than their loved one. Because, you know, they finally get to the point where it's like either a doctor or there's a family intervention where they say, you need to get some professional help to take care of her and you need to start taking care of yourself, you're not neglecting your duties as a spouse or as a son or a daughter. But you need to still be here. So you can be a spouse or a son or a daughter. And if you don't start taking care of yourself, then it couldn't be the case. And you really need to just slow down and you know, regroup.

Don Priess: 29:29

And that's mentally physically, spiritually, you know, because it's not just oh, I need a rest. It's like, it's okay. If you find a way to go out for an evening to dinner. It's okay. You need those things as a human being and it's why the mortality rate of caregivers is quite high. And if not mortality, certainly very serious illness. Yeah, yeah. So then you're no good and then you're and then you're no then you're now you're no good to anybody. Let alone the person you're trying to hear care for. Yeah.

Lance A. Slatton: 30:00

Guess what? Stress is the worst in any case, right? So you it's this, it's a silent killer. It is. It is. And is, because it's not, you know, you don't see it, you know, and it's not that our families don't care, or that they're not involved, but they're not there most of them for the day to day to see, okay, you're eating, you know, a Twinkie and a can of coke for breakfast, and then, you know, a bag of chips, and you know, a Big Mac for lunch, and then you're staying up to two in the morning and getting up at six in the morning. And you didn't really sleep at all, you know, in these families, they they're not, they don't have that intimate and seen on site, you know, experiences and, you know, they're just getting, you know, the feedback from their loved ones on how it's going. And unless they can really see it and experience it firsthand. It can be very deadly, like, you know, dancing, you know, there's severe consequences for that. Absolutely. I want to go back to your dad for a second. And so, because you guys were so young, you and your wife and how old was your dad at the time when when he became you know, he was 67. Okay, young, relatively young, very young. So because I was having this conversation with my daughter this morning, and we were talking about, you know, how do we get people her age and younger? To, you know, pay attention to, to this, this kind of scenario, right? Because a lot of people and I'm sure, you know, we've we all feel like that when we're, you know, in our 20s and 30s. It's like, we're so far from that. We don't have to think about it. It's not, you know, we don't want to think about it. We don't have to, because it's a it's far away. But it but it isn't always far away, is it? No, it's not. I mean, Susie, I can tell you and you know, the 13 years that we've had our company, we've seen people in their late teens, people in their 20s, their 30s, I mean, every decade of life, and it's the ones that are in their 20s, their 30s, the teens are horrible, too. But, you know, just not too long ago, we had a wife who diagnosed with basically aggressive end stage breast cancer, and had no idea until she went in for a mammogram, because she was having some soreness, and it was all throughout her body, you know, her and her husband just built a house, they're not old enough to collect Medicare, either one's old enough to retire. Now you have this on top of it, you know, a two income home is now going down to one income, and then you have the husband and understandably is that his, he's at a loss as to what to do for her what's best, and he wants to be there. But he knows he has to continue working. And so you know, they hire services like ours. And it's just, it's tragic. And first thing out of his mouth was never would have dreamt, at this stage of our lives, anything like, those are the things you can't plan for, but you can at least be a little more aware and attuned, especially for you know, families who have children, making them more aware of it. And just when the children are old enough, you know, and I think I'd leave that to the family to decide what the appropriate age is. But have a conversation about, you know, this is what mom or dad wants, you know, if something should unforeseen happen to us. And I just want to make sure you're aware of you know, so it makes it easier on you, when you have to maybe make some decisions for Mom or Dad, and get those things documented. You know, those power of attorney advanced directives and living wills that we were talking about earlier. You don't even have to include the children in your decision making process because it's your decision how you want and what you want. But once those are all in place, and you feel the children are mature and old enough to have that conversation, make that making them aware of it, because if you've done it, and they've never been made aware that you have done it, there's a chance that may never get, you know, recognized or enforced. And we've seen that too, where, again, you know, family in their mid 60s, terminal cancer, and the children had no idea where mom had the advanced directives or Power of Attorney paperwork at the the attorney mom use is no longer in practice. He retired. And everybody's wondering, What did mom want? What What should we do? We want to honor mom's wishes because mom didn't want to burden the children with that conversation. But now in the end, it's actually hurting them more, because now they don't know what they can do to honor mom's wishes. That's such a good point. That's such a good point. What I mean, I'm going to ask you what so how do you think what would what can we do to engage all generations to understand that this is just a conversation we have to have, it's like in school, you know, you learn all kinds of you learned there's Home Home Economics and these kinds of, you know, like sociology and things like but we just avoid this kind of conversation. What What would you suggest First, I think having the conversation just, it starts, I think in the home having a conversation, because if you, you know, and I agree it should be taught in some degree in the schools. And I'll tell you a story for myself here in a minute. But if you teach it in the schools and the kids, you know, middle school, high school, whatever, if they become aware of it, but yet, Mom and Dad aren't willing to engage in that conversation is kind of fruitless, or vice versa. The parents want to engage with the children. Oh, no, and you don't have that conversation. They can be aware, but it won't really be that impactful. Right. So, you know, one of the things I'm a big fan of is called Five Wishes. I don't know if you and Don are familiar with them. Yeah. It's how the five wishes nonprofit was started by Jim tui. Jim two is a remarkable man. He worked in a couple of the White House administrations non political, and he was really impacted by his time as Mother Teresa's lawyer. So he was mugged. He was the turn. Yeah, he was the lawyer from Mother Teresa. He was the first person to eulogize her at her funeral. And, you know, he went in as a you know, I don't want to speak for him, but I'm imagining kind of like young, brash attorney, you know, going to do his job. And that experience working with her was so impactful that he started five wishes and these other come aging with dignity as the other one. And Five Wishes is like an Advanced Directive or a living well, okay, I first I first became aware of it in college during one of the hospice courses, I had to take where the professor said, okay, one of the requirements for this course, is you purchase Five Wishes, I had no idea what it was. And it was available at our bookstore. It was like 395, or something. And it's like a really nice pamphlet, but it's like, like, almost like a book, you know, like our magazine. And each page talks about which one is this, which two is this, so forth, and so on. And it's legally recognized and 48, I believe, out of the 50 states, you don't need a notary, you don't need an attorney, you fill it out, you designate you know, I would designate Don to be my POA or as my as my advocate, and I just put that in the five wishes. But it's not so much just medical, it's, if I'm not able to advocate or talk for myself, I want to have soft music playing in my room, when I'm laying there, or I don't want music. It's all in how you want to be treated in the event. You can't, you know, advocate for yourself. And it's a powerful book. But I think it leads to really good conversations, you know, because it's not all legalese. And it's not all medical. It's, it's very social, and very, you know, commonplace conversation, but at least it gets the conversation started. Right. It's, it's individually driven by Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, it's, uh, but I think that would be a good way to start, you know, a parent could get it for one of their children. I know, families buy him for gifts, you know, because we're talking I think $5. And, but you just don't know, I mean, you know, firsthand experience with our company, we see people, you know, 18 years old, got t boned on their motorcycle, and now they're, you know, for all intents and purposes, they're, you know, brain dead, but they're still being, you know, kept alive, because their wishes were to be sustained by, you know, artificial ventilation and things and, you know, nutrition. But if that's not what you want, that's not what you should get. Right. But people have to know, you know, right. I love that though. Because that seems very gentle. If that were, if that was a part of a course, a sociology course, you know, like, the five wishes. And and you were in high school and youth like, you know, it's that question of like, what what music would you what five things would you bring on an island? Right? Is that that game that? Right? So you're on a deserted island? What would you bring with you? So it's the same thing, like if you were in this situation? Right? What What would your five wishes be? Under these circumstances? I think that's not a bad way to I like that, actually. Yeah, like, it's very good. Yeah. And get people thinking like, well, you know, they're, if you're 16 or 17 It's like, what if you got t boned? You know, and, and you were there? Would you want to stay on life support? Or would you not? I don't think that's too hard of a question. I think it's very contemplative. And I think in in a 16 year olds mind, I think they can handle it because, you know, the, the odds aren't that much against you. Right? So you're really for you So gives you the freedom to be able to be have a little bit of, you know, bravery to that question. And I think it's very, it's not as intimidating as having to go you know, to your lawyer and have it drawn things. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no. I love that. Let's do that. Let's start. Let's start. In your free time.

Don Priess: 40:07

All right, yeah, you know, we could do six wishes and charge $6 And, you know, go

Lance A. Slatton: 40:17

for room check. I love that. That's such a great, yeah. Because we really need to engage younger people. And, you know, and get people really back to he like, a human perspective on on life. Right. So, you know, I just noticed that with children, even younger children that aren't, you know, exposed to older people are quite frightened for some reason, which is so odd to me. Right. I think that's society, though. Right, Susie, I mean, we all think we're invincible, you know, and to a degree, that was part of my dad's issue, you know, he was in the Marine Corps in the 60s, entirely different than how it is present day. And, you know, he was going to talk through it, and I'm not going to stop, you know, and, you know, to his own detriment, though, you know, and I think that's how most of American society really responds to, you know, mortality is that we aren't mortal, or immortal, you know, until something, you know, hits us, and we can't solve it, you know, I was listening to an interview the other day, is totally unrelated to health care, senior care and caregiving. But this person, very, very smart person, was talking to this gentleman, and trying to like, you know, coerce him into, you know, changing his life and turning it around. And he's like, you know, well, it was a judge actually talking to him. And he said, Well, you know, Your Honor, you don't understand, I don't have any money. That's why I'm doing this, I have a big problem, I have a money problem. And she says, Let me stop and tell you this. She goes, money is not a problem. He goes, What do you mean, she goes, a problem is something that money can't fix. If you get a diagnosis of cancer, you can't say, well, here's $2 million, take care of it for me, they'll say, sorry, it doesn't matter how much money, you know, those are real problems, money, you can go work, you can get money, you know, but real problems are our health issues. And I think people as a whole, they don't like to look at that. Because it's not going to happen to them, it's going to happen to somebody else. And they think, you know, you know, I'll just fix it with money, or I'll fix it with this or that. And I think that's why they don't want to talk about it, because it makes them face the fact that they are going to pass at some point. And they may not be immortal after all. Right? Right.

Don Priess: 42:46

It's something we don't have control over. And right. We don't want to deal with stuff we cannot control. And exactly. And so you know, to get past that and say, well, let's make it the best it can be. That's, that's not an easy sell, steal.

Lance A. Slatton: 43:03

But it is, but listen, there's no I was the I Am the poster child for not wanting to die. Like I was a little girl three years old, having anxiety attacks about that like asking, like running out of my room going to my dad, what happens when you die? And where do you go on that I need to know because I don't understand it, my dad would always go, you're three years old, go back to bed, like you have 97 more years to worry about it. So in my mind, I'd always go well, I've got 80 more years to think about it. I've got 75 more years and like I just put it off like that. And you know, I remember we interviewed one of our now a dear friend who had written books on caregiving and going through the last stages with her family, with her parents, both of them. And I interviewed her I said, Well, my biggest fear is losing my mom, like i Because, you know, that's my, I'm scared to death of that. She goes, When it happens, you're going to be so fine. And I'm going to tell you right now, it's it's a beautiful thing. And you're gonna and I said You're so wrong, can't be beautiful. I can't even imagine it to be beautiful. Well, it's now looking back. It's one of my most precious moments is being with my mom. And, and I feel proud of myself that I was so I was brave, and I was there for her. And I proud of her, how she did it, and how she with such such grace and and being there was an honor. And so, and you know, and I'm I'm the biggest baby there is about it. So I'm going to start crying. If I can do it, anybody can do it, is what I'm saying. Yeah. So, it is beautiful, though. You know, I tell people all the time and you know, you get frustrated you get exhausted. You just get to the end and you know, but when you when you have the ability to distance yourself after some time, I tell him I said you're gonna look back and you're gonna be thankful You know that you were a part of this rather than regretful that you are part of it because not many people get that kind of experience with a spouse, a child or a parent. And, you know, you'll, you'll be able to have those experiences and those memories. Yeah, what better honored? Right? You know, exactly, yeah. One of our interviewees on our documentary said, you know, it matters how you're born, and it matters how you die, it matters. It really matters, you know, and, and, and it's, and I'm reading this book now called the women, which is all takes place during the Vietnam War and thinking about your dad. Right? And, you know, and you think, and one of the, one of this, the sad parts of is that the, the, the, the young guys that were just obliterated, and there's no, there's no honor to their death? In other words, no one can honor them. No one was there, no one, they just were ripped out of the world, boom, gone, and not a trace. And so and that, to me, is the biggest tragedy. 100% Yeah. 100%. And, you know, I'm always very pro, you know, service people in our military men and women, because, you know, they they give the ultimate sacrifice, you know, I don't care if they serve in a war or didn't serve in a war, they served, and they made themselves available for defending our freedoms. And, you know, I think they should, you know, all of them be recognized and have that, you know, that honor. Yeah. Yeah. But it doesn't matter, though. Right. I mean, it matters to our soul. It matters like, you know, yeah, it's just so well, I think, you know, Susie, I think it also matters as a society, to how we, you know, how we do treat our seniors and those with health issues, and our our military men and women, it matters to the soul of this country. Right, not just us as individuals, but I think it speaks to, you know, how we, how we treat them says how, how we are as a nation, agreed, agreed, I think, and I think we're, you know, we're ailing or ailing in that area, severely. And, and that, you know, that's, that's, it's a very, it's a sad state. I mean, I just hope that we can get back to more, more of that less individualistic kind of paradigm, you know, and more and more community, because that's how we thrive. That's how we thrive, you know, we are not, we were not meant to be alone, we're just not.

Don Priess: 47:32

And I think your book is something that, you know, this is what it's improving that experience, it's, you know, it's, you're not going to solve the experience, but making the best I can be, and that, you know, and along that comes dignity, not only I mean, for, for, for the person, but for yourself, too. You know, caregiving can be a very undignified practice, there's things you're doing, especially when you're dealing with a loved one that or are not things that are, you know, called glamorous or dignified, and also navigating, that, you know, where is it? Like, when is it better that somebody that they don't know is doing this? When is it better that they feel you know, and that's a conversation you have to have with the person you're caring for? Yeah, you know, that it's like, would you does it make you feel less comfortable that I'm doing it as opposed to somebody you know, which can help you make decisions on how they're cared for him?

Lance A. Slatton: 48:29

Yeah, at 100%. And I would say to Don, you know, oftentimes, when you have families, you know, we're taking care of someone's mother, there's multiple siblings, maybe a couple of sons, a couple of daughters. Usually, most not always, but most times, it's like the one daughter who's kind of taken in and taking charge. And, you know, they're very resentful about that, you know, and they don't understand why I have to do it, they're doing it and they're glad to do it. And they wouldn't trade doing it for anything. But they're saying, Well, why can't my brother or my sister, why aren't they helping? And one of the things I tell them, they may not be comfortable doing that, you know, bathing mom, helping mom go to the bath and I said, that's, you know, that's a very uncomfortable thing for a lot of people. And like one brother said, he goes, I will do anything my sister wants me to do. He says, I just can't bathe and toilet, my mother. Yeah. And I respect and get that completely. So I told the sister I said, Your brother's willing to help a, you know, it's okay to ask him. You know, people don't always just step up and volunteer, but they're glad to do it. If they're asked, and I said, he's willing to do anything you need. I said, why don't you start using him to coordinate mom's doctor's appointments, have the prescriptions delivered, you know, put together the groceries and have that delivered? Help with all these other things while you're doing the more hands on day to day stuff? I said that would take a significant load off of you by Helping you know, just with all those other things that Now you don't have to worry about. Right. So there's a lot of ways to help other than just, you know, the hands on. Yeah, for sure. I would have. I agree, I would have loved that. Because juggling all of it is too much. It can be it's just tremendous amount of of details that you have to stamp on. Well, it's enormous, enormous.

Don Priess: 50:20

But it's very different when there's a single when there's no siblings when there's no help. That's a whole nother situation that

Susie Singer Carter: 50:28

right. That's why Lance wrote this great book. That's what it is. I just thought of the name of the book, What to Expect When You're Expecting that's the that was the I think my wife had everybody had it. Everybody has. All right, I'll go on a walk. I'll go on a limb and say that, that all homecare matters official family caregivers guide is the knew what to be expected when you're expecting but for caregivers. How's that caregivers?

Lance A. Slatton: 50:58

That sounds wonderful. That would be awesome. You know, I just like I said, I know there's like you like yourself, Susie like myself. There's other people out there who had no plans, no idea of what caregiving for a parent, a spouse or a child entails. Until that day, it just happens. And now you are that caregiver. And I just hope it will help just like Don said, it's not going to solve everything, but it might make it a little bit easier. And that's what my hope and wishes for people that it will just make it easier for them.

Susie Singer Carter: 51:29

Great. I know it will. I know. Well. Is there anything we didn't mention that you wanted to mention? Because I can't believe our hour went by so fast. Yeah,

Lance A. Slatton: 51:38

it's always well, it's always great. It's especially great to see Dawn because I always hear him but I don't always see him always

Don Priess: 51:44

chirping away.

Lance A. Slatton: 51:47

But it's always great to see the two of you. And as I've told you a million times Susie my my kids just think you are a superstar celebrity, which you are. They love the movie Soul Surfer. We probably we probably watch it I don't know. There's 30 days in a month, I would say maybe 28 of those days we watch.

Susie Singer Carter: 52:06

Okay. I have a surprise for you coming. So just No.

Lance A. Slatton: 52:13

No, I just I wish you both a nice Happy Easter. Thank you guys so much for everything you guys are doing. We love and appreciate you both we

Susie Singer Carter: 52:21

absolutely do. Which which is why we do this this show which is why don, why do we do

Don Priess: 52:28

well because you know why? Because love is powerful. Love is contagious. And love conquers all. So we thank everybody for watching listening today. Please like share, do all those fun things that we enjoy. And please please please look for Lance's book, we'll have all the information in the show notes. And it's something that everyone needs to have. They should probably every school should have these in hand them out as as, as textbooks because it's that important. And yes, it was. So next

Susie Singer Carter: 53:00

time so yeah, have fun this weekend. Okay, bye